Tuesday, October 25, 2011

ups and downs.

My days, my years, my life has seen up and downs, lights and darknesses. If I wrote only and continually about the "light"and never mentioned the other, then as an artist I would be a liar.
Censorship is the tool of those who have the need to hide actualities from themselves and from others. Their fear is only their inability to face what is real, and I can't vent any anger against them. I only feel this appalling sadness. Somewhere, in their upbringing, they were shielded against the total facts of our existence. hey were only taught to look one way when many ways exist.
I came across this letter from Charles Bukowski the other day, as I was distracting myself from schoolwork. It really got me thinking about things. Well, re-phrase.. it got me thinking about something else only somewhat related to the above statement. Bukowski wrote this letter in response to the removal of his book "Tales of Ordinary Madness" from the Public Library in Nijmegen. A reader had complained about its unacceptable, sadistic, content and thus, the book was removed.

I firmly believe in freedom of speech and love Bukowski's writing (in all forms) so this post has nothing to do with disagreeing with his letter. I think his reply was perfect and I agree with it 100%. His book should never have been removed. But the particular passage stated above made me think about how I choose to write and how I choose to live. I have seen both lights and darknesses but continually write about seeing beyond sadness and living in a world where you can achieve your goals and you canbe happy about being here in the first place. Has it become too much to want that life?

There is a theme in my blog posts (maybe because I often write to cheer myself up). I write them to remind myself that there is a part of me that is so wise and rational when I'm being an emotional nut bar.  My entries are often positive messages about achieving goals and overcoming obstacles, etc. etc. But, because I choose to write (publicly) about the lights and not the darknesses does not mean I have not seen dark times or that I do not acknowledge their existence. I just like the idea of someone randomly reading my blog and feeling a little bit better. maybe even a little motivated.

Why is it that we choose to remind one another that not everything in life is ideal.  Who set the bar on expectations for what life is supposed to be and how we are to accept ourselves?  I have been made to believe that I am reaching for some kind of unattainable version of contentment. But, what is wrong with wanting something, LIFE, to be unordinary and spectacular and joyful? Recognize the bad. Life is constantly going to be throwing obstacles and stressors our way. Do not allow yourself to be shielded from the "facts of existence". But that doesn't mean you have to be jaded or cynical or mean to anyone who chooses to believe that life/society is generally good. The positivity of others cannot hurt you.

Life is hard. It's frigging scary as hell and filled with a lot of negative. But it is filled with so many wonderful things too! What is wrong with choosing to focus on those wonderful, positive things if it gets you out of bed in the morning?

Someone recently shared this on Facebook. Sorry for lack of source!

Friday, October 7, 2011


"Yes, it was agreed: we were going to do everything we'd never done and had been too silly to do in the past"

This is a painting I just completed as a gift for my bestest gal pal Kristen, who recently moved to Toronto (and left me flailing about and seeking adventure on my own. Sigh.). It is a painting about life- about learning and growing and experiencing new things. It's about doing the things in life you've always dreamt of, persevering through the roadblocks, and being foolish and having fun along the way. Kristen is doing that RIGHT NOW. Lets give her a digital high five/hug.

Life. acrylic on canvas

Above quote is from Jack Kerouac's "On the Road"