paints.

baaa

How I spent my Thursday morning.

It was kind of raining and dull outside, so it only seemed appropriate to put on my favorite wool socks, break out the paints, and fill my little apartment with Iron & Wine's "Our Endless Numbered Days".

And oh what a combo it was!

This week has been overly hectic. I started another semester of my graduate degree on Monday and my mind has been preoccupied with becoming OPTIMALLY ORGANIZED and keeping up with life responsibilities. I'm already supposed to have approximately 13 chapters read for this Monday which pretty much makes my brain just want to peace out entirely.

It's not uncommon for times such as this, when I'm gone completely banans about work and obligations, that I become fixated on some little creative project that I want to complete (immediately).

Thus.. Painting Thursday begins!!

First, let me just state that "Our Endless Numbered Days" never fails to fill me with instant relaxation vibes: warm, cozy, calm all over. Mmm.

I always paint on the kitchen floor of my little home. Mainly because it has the best lighting. I like having the canvas laid flat, and it is closest to the house tea supply. But, there is paint all over my kitchen floor and I'm prob going to have a rough go removing all of that before I leave the rented space. eep.

I started this peacock painting a few weeks ago and kept finding things I wanted to change and finalize. I had the idea (months and months ago) for a collection of paintings of different birds on white backgrounds with their feathers having a color combination that was somewhat unexpected and frantic. I chose three birds: peacock, bluebird, and starling.

To be honest, I didn't even know what a starling was, but "Starlings in Winter", a poem by Mary Oliver, was inspiration for the entire project and I felt I should include one.

..Ah, world, what lessons you prepare for us, even in the leafless winters, even in the ashy city. I am thinking now of grief and of getting past it; I feel my boots trying to leave the ground, I feel my heart pumping hard. I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings.

Ah! So beautiful.. and oddly, so appropriate to my general feelings when I first discovered its existence.

(Could I request that EVERYONE please add the world 'frolicsome' to their everyday vocabulary?)

Hopefully I will have the next two paintings completed before the summer is out. I do have a few other projects that I am working on and school is slowly taking over my life.. but, I know I'll find the time somewhere. I somehow always do.

the first.

my favorite houses.. so mad about the yellow car ruining the shot

I've wanted to have a blog for a very long time. Somehow I've always managed to find reasons not to go ahead with it: I'm too busy, I have no focus, I'm uninteresting, etc. etc. Silly reasons, yes but somehow they each managed to be rational enough for me to drop my blog ideas and move on to something else.. usually lazing in general.

I've been reading Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" for the last few months in between text books and exams and responsibilities. I've underlined many, many passages, but one line in particular really, really hit home for me:

"Lucile would never understand me because I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to the next till I drop."

People.. this line describes my life! My self-realization moment in Kerouac (I'm sure I'm not the first and definitely not the last). If you give me one positive thought, one little spark of an idea.. I run away with it. My mind just goes so far up into the clouds and I can get completely caught up and carried away until I'm utterly exhausted.

With my self-realization, I felt a sense of fear- a legit wake-up call. Was I going to continue coming up with big ideas for myself, get so unbelievably exited about all of them, and then just overwhelm myself to the point where I just end up doing nothing and regretting it later!?

I try to embrace the positive side of life and revel in the excitement the world has to offer. However, as I get older and struggle to settle into the "adult" world, carefree enjoyment of life's adventures can often become unbelievably stressful. I know I'm going to fall harder, have more disappointments and ultimately many emotional ups and downs. But regardless of disappointment.. I'd rather live and feel every aspect of my wonky life instead of moving through it in a dull, muted haze.

I want to truly live; to experience everything and do everything and learn everything and sometimes I want it all at once.

To tell you what this blog is going to be about would be an extremely difficult task. It is about me, it is about what I like, it is about everything. It is a way for me to find personal confidence, truthfulness, and hopefully a way to occasionally calm my mind so I can live and learn in the moment instead of always anticipating the next big thing.

I know I have already accomplished great things in my life, both big and small but I want to keep going and moving with purpose to really test my capabilities.

In a condensed description- I love music (listening and making), fashion and styling, laughing and being foolish and running about, viewing and creating art, culture and travel, sports and the outdoors. I'm a 24 year old MBA student (focus in Marketing), with an undergraduate science degree in behavioural neuroscience. I could easily add more unrelated (but honest) attributes to the list but maybe I'll put an end to it now- try and be even a little mysterious.

In some kind of conclusion I just mean that I really do like everything and I really want to do everything.. and I am going to do it all.

This blog will serve as virtually documented proof.